Why do I keep falling?

I have been terrible with keeping this blog up. My first post in a while isn’t even going to be about anything I’ve been working on. It’s going to be about Mumford & Sons. Go figure, right?

I had the best time 2 weekends ago. I went to Nashville with one of my best friends. We drove half way on Thursday night and made the rest of the trip on Friday. Friday night was the Mumford & Sons concert in Nashville. I was bummed because I had seats for the show. I tried for general admission and they sold out instantly. I had a different experience being in seats.

First of all, that was the first time I was seeing Mumford & Sons indoors. I have seen them at an outdoor venue or a festival every other time I have seen them. I really wasn’t sure what to expect in regards to them playing an arena.
I was not disappointed. They were phenomenal! I danced and sang my heart out which probably annoyed everyone around me. They were all sitting until they played The Cave and Little Lion Man which was ridiculous, however I didn’t let it bother me. I did my own thing. I had an amazing time. They changed my life, as they always do, every time I see them. Broken Crown was a highlight for me. They also brought out a whole bunch of awesome artists (John Oates, T Bone Burnett, Big Mike from Apache Relay) and played some amazing covers! It was one of the absolute best concerts I have ever been to. I cried at one point from being so happy. I didn’t want it to end.

Unfortunately, it ended. However, I spent the weekend in Nashville! Saturday was spent at the Jack Daniel’s Distillery! We did a tasting tour and it was awesome. I recommend taking that tour if you ever have the chance. The town square is cool and they have all sorts of fun Jack Daniels things to buy. We headed back to Nashville after the distillery and had dinner at a fun Irish pub right by our hotel. We drank (Jack Daniel’s of course), ate, and laughed so much! Saturday was such a great day.
Sunday we went to Belle Meade Plantation and spent the entire day there. We love anything historical. We toured the grounds, we took a tour of the house, and we sampled wine at the winery. We had an amazing brunch at the restaurant there and then shopped in the gift shop. We bought Blackberry Wine that the winery makes and lots of other fun things. After spending the entire day there we headed back to the hotel where we decided to just relax for the night. We put on pj’s and drank Blackberry wine, ordered pizza, and had a blast! We talked all night. We laughed. We cried. We just hung out and it was amazing. Monday we drove home but it was fun because we played games in the car. We did a lot of laughing all weekend and it was perfect!

So, that was a perfect weekend. I didn’t think it could be topped, but it was in a very different way.

This past weekend was life changing on so many levels. I went to Indianapolis on Saturday for the Mumford & Sons concert on Sunday. My friend and I had a late dinner with cheap drinks in a very weird bar not far from our hotel. It was a nice night to walk and I had fun talking and drinking with my friend I very rarely see. The next day we headed to the arena at 8:30am because we had general admission tickets. We were 4th and 5th in line for the concert. The three people in front of us were (are) AMAZING! We had so much fun sitting with them, talking, listening to music, and just hanging out. This is what GA is all about. You get to meet new friends who love the band just as much as you do. It’s the best. We had a pretty amazing day in line up until it turned ugly.

It was around 3pm that a guy and two sisters show up. They didn’t like our line. They got in front of us. They argued with us. They said they understood what we were saying because they stood in line for shows before. However, they wouldn’t move from the door. Our new friends were in line since 6:45am and these people show up at 3pm and are trying to be first. No, that’s not how that works. We had talked to security several times that day and they knew what we were doing. We were keeping order and trying not to make it chaotic. These people arrived and ruined all of it. We talked to security when they wouldn’t move. They didn’t do anything. The people leave to go to the bathroom and some of us re-claim our spots. They come back and start a fight saying they just went to the bathroom – which if they would have just gotten in line like everyone else they could have went to the bathroom and not lost their spot – and so the one sister pushed herself against one of our friends we made and refused to move. Security came out and witnessed the arguing and drama and did nothing to help anyone.

Here’s where it gets crazy. They had all the doors to the arena open. They had 3 security gates open. Instead of honoring our line and system they chose chaos. We spread ourselves across all of the doors in hopes that some of us would get in first and save places for the others once we got in. They motioned for us to come in at 4:30pm and it was chaos! We ran in, all of us, through every single door to the middle where the 3 security lines were open. We’re waiting to get through security when one of the other fans in line says “Hey! I just want everyone to be aware that the one girl slammed this girl’s head into the door.” We look and it was one of our friends we had made. It was the one friend who took one of the sisters spots when they left to use the bathroom. This girl was holding her forehead and was clearly shaken. She says, “she slammed the door into my head.” What?!? We have no time to process. The security line is moving. I somehow made it through pretty fast. My friend kept setting off the alarm. I found our friends spread across four of the 8 lines that were made in the lobby of the arena. So, we were near the front of one of the lines. The girl who got her head slammed in the door talked with security. She got a bandage on her head and was most likely going to need stitches but stayed for the show. The sister who did this to her got kicked out. She was escorted out of the arena. The entire lobby clapped as we watched her walk out the door. I’m not sure what happened to the other sister and the guy that was with them. It didn’t matter. Karma took care of that girl.

We waited there for an hour and a half. We made friends with our ticket scanner for our line. Shout out to Steve for being amazing! He scanned the first 10 people in line before 6pm. He had the rope down before 6 too. He’s the best.

6pm comes and all hell breaks loose. They give us the signal and all 8 lines just start running. We run up the stairs, security is yelling at us to stop running but we just keep going. We have to run past the first 2 entrances to the third entrance to get access on to the floor. Security tries to block us to tell us to stop running and be careful. We ignore them. We push through them and run down there stairs where it is utter chaos. The poor security guy is trying to hand out wristbands while the other security guard is checking our tickets. My friends make it on the floor. By the time I grab my wristband, the security guard drops most of the wristbands on the floor. I start to run when the other security guard who already had marked my ticket stops me and says he needs to check my ticket. He just makes a mark over his other mark. I run to my friends who saved me a spot on the rail. There weren’t enough spots but my awesome friend said I could have the rail spot because I have never been close to Mumford & Sons for a show ever. She’s amazing! Seriously. I appreciate her and what she did for me so much!

It was such a relief that after all the drama and chaos that we all made it on the rail. Karma helped us. We all made it to where we were meant to be.
We waited for the opening band to come on. Blake Mills came out and rocked it! I was in shock because I have not done GA for a show in a few years. I forgot the experience and how close you are to the stage and the band. Marcus came out on stage and played with Blake Mills for one song and I about died. Seeing him so close was so amazing! I was pumped for Mumford & Sons to come out!

The time went by so slowly between Blake Mills ending and Mumford & Sons coming out. I thought the moment would never come, but it did. Mumford & Sons walked out on stage and I felt the tears start to form. Marcus Mumford stood right in front of and I was the happiest I had ever been in I don’t even know how long. I completely lost myself in this concert. They completely blew me away and changed my life significantly in such a new way. I danced my ass off. I sang my heart out. I cried through so many songs. They played Reminder and I literally cried through the whole song. I made eye contact with Marcus all night! When he ran through the crowd during Ditmas, I was only a few people away from him. I was bummed I didn’t get to be closer to him but it was still amazing to see him in the crowd and so close to me.

I put my heart and soul into this concert. My voice was gone half way through the show. It was such an emotional show for me. I forgot how personal it is when you do GA. I felt like I was the only person in the arena and that they were there just for me. Everyone else melted away. All my problems melted away. It was an emotional release. It was therapy for me.

Mumford & Sons have gotten me through the last year and a half. I have relied on them to get me through since my dad died. They have been there for me when no one else was. They mean everything to me. Having this experience was amazing. It was beyond amazing. I cannot put into words every single emotion to describe my experience. It meant everything to me. To be in the front for a band who has made this last year and a half bearable means absolutely everything.

The night ended with me walking out of that arena with a set list in my hand.

It was one of the absolute best days of my life. I will never ever forget that experience.

Thank you Mumford & Sons for getting me through this last year and a half. Thank you for being the constant in my life. Thank you for being my therapists. Thank you for making such incredible music. Without your music, I would be lost. Thank you for playing such incredible shows. Thank you for changing my life.

I appropriately titled this post “Why do I keep falling?” It’s Mumford & Sons lyrics but also applies to how I feel about this band. Why do I keep falling for this band? Because they keep putting out incredible music that speaks to my heart and soul. They change my life constantly in so many ways.

Why do I keep falling?


“A lot of the time it feels like music is some sort of excuse to be a human.

It’s kind of like people need that excuse to go and

put their arms in the air and sing their hearts out.”

~ Marcus Mumford

Last resorts

I can’t believe I haven’t posted since November. I feel like I always say this every time I post. December and January are just very hard months for me to get through now. And so much has happened since I last posted. I had an IUD put in to hopefully help with all my period issues. I moved. I celebrated my dad. My 30th birthday happened and it was incredibly disappointing because I did nothing fun to celebrate it. I had all these visions of fun things to do for my 30th birthday and then nothing happened. I went out for a couple drinks the day of my birthday with a couple friends. That was the extent of it. I feel like my birthday is just an after thought since my dad died the day before my birthday. Anyway, Christmas happened. I spent New Year’s eve with one of my very best friends and it was very low key. My dad’s birthday happened. Things are happening with my mom. It’s just been a lot.

I’ve been struggling so much with my weight and life style changes. There is something wrong with my foot still and I need to see an orthopedic doctor. I haven’t been running because of my foot. My work outs have been a mix of Zumba, Irish dance, and 30 day shred. I feel like I’m eating better but I am not seeing any weight coming off. I am frustrated. I am feeling like I’m coming down to my last resort which I am starting to look into.

I just cannot continue the rest of my life like this. I think genetics play a huge role. I’ve never been thin. I don’t need to be thin now but I need to be at a much healthier weight. I need to be healthy. There is so much I want to do and my weight limits me. Or rather I let my weight limit me. I know I let my weight hold me back. It’s held me back my entire life.

I am done. I’m just done. I am so tired of feeling so horrible about myself. I am tired of not really living my life.

I’m going to really work on updating my blog more. Especially since I feel like a lot of changes will be happening in the next few months. This blog is going to be essential for me to vent, discuss, and put everything out here. No more hiding.

I’m about to start living my life and it’s going to be amazing.


I’ve been having foot problems for a while now. I was in pain. I finally went to the doctor after several of my friends told me I had to go. Thank you for making me go! It turns out I have Achilles tendinitis. I’m on day three of the anti-inflammatory medicine my doctor gave me. Today was the first day I woke up and my foot didn’t hurt! It was a good feeling.

I got my ass up this morning and went to Zumba. There is something about Saturday morning Zumba that I love. It just makes me feel better. I feel unstoppable after. I’m in such a great mood! I wish there was Zumba class every morning before work. I could conquer the world if there was! I feel like a rock star today!

I’m on day 41 of logging my food consistently on Myfitnesspal! I have to say that logging my food has helped me significantly lately. It’s eye opening. I also really love logging my work outs on there. It just makes me feel good! I definitely recommend writing everything you eat down – whether it’s an app, a journal, whatever….just write it down! It will change your life.

I’m down a whole lot of pounds and inches. I will have an exact number on Monday. I had my weight and measurements taken last Monday and I forgot to write it down. Instead of being a crazy numbers girl like I have in the past I am just going to wait until this Monday instead of weighing myself again. I feel like if I weigh myself more than once during the week it will set off my craziness and I will start weighing myself too much. I will post about my progress after next Monday!

I’ve got two significant firsts coming up. This year will be the first Thanksgiving without my dad. I cannot believe he was here a year ago and now he’s not. Thanksgiving is going to be rough. I have to not give into my emotions…no emotional eating and no drinking to excess to avoid the pain. The Saturday after Thanksgiving – and actually just that whole weekend after Thanksgiving- will be rough. Last year we had such an amazing Saturday after Thanksgiving. I will somehow make it through but I know it will be rough.

And then the major issue will be the one year anniversary of my dad’s passing. God, please get me through this like you somehow got me through these past 11 months. I feel like I am not strong enough. I made it this far though….maybe I’m stronger than I think.

I found a new therapist. I only went to see her once but I love her. I’m so happy to finally find someone I can talk to. I am not ashamed to admit this either. I need help.

I am proud of myself for being proactive about my health; both physically and mentally. It’s time to work through my grief.

I am proud of all the changes I’ve made and continue to make. I’m hoping my dad is proud of me because that’s all I want.

I love you, dad.




I have no idea how it’s November. I don’t know where October went. This year has gone by fast yet painstakingly slow, if that makes any sense. Maybe it’s because I felt I would never make it this far. Regardless of that…it’s November! And surprisingly (not!) I’ve been a slacker. I swear the time just gets away from me.

Here’s what’s going on. I have PCOS. I need to lose weight. My blood pressure is slightly high. I am unhappy with all of this. The solution for right now is an IUD (for a lot of reasons). It’s not what I want but I need things to start happening. This is going to help with making things happen.

I’ve had a lot of emotional break downs lately and in those breakdowns, I went to food looking for comfort. Of course I didn’t find any. This is my biggest issue. It’s the root of all my problems, I swear! I need to be more conscious. I need to be aware of what’s going on before I make bad decisions; before my emotions completely take over. I struggle to be more conscious. I’m trying my hardest. I NEED to overcome this issue in order to grow and change. I never find comfort in food so I need to stop.

My work outs have been Zumba and Irish dance lately. I did Jillian Michaels 30 day shred yesterday for the first time in a while. It was rough, but I enjoyed it.

Here’s my rant on 21 Day Fix. I LOVE 21 Day Fix. I honestly do. However, with the PCOS I have going on right now following all the containers that I’m supposed to is too difficult. I started gaining weight instead of losing it while I was doing 21 Day Fix. I am going to come back to 21 Day Fix – at least the work outs – sometime soon.

I have been on an amazing journey these last 4 weeks doing Naomi Teeter’s program (that’s the program I won the scholarship to). I have learned so much about myself! I’ve done a lot of reflecting because of the program. I really learned some valuable information from Naomi. I’m still working on the last modules of the program, but I really recommend her program. I am so happy that I was chosen for the scholarship. Naomi’s program has already been insanely beneficial. I plan on using all the information from Naomi and implementing it all into my life. I still have some exploring to do. I’m still a work in progress, but Naomi has given me some direction.

I’ve been researching PCOS and looking up some good recipes I can make. I want to heal my body the right way – good food full of nutrients. I want to get my blood pressure back to normal. I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy.

I’ve done most of the work (once I finish all the modules) to set things in motion. It’s been hard. It’s required a lot of digging and dealing with a lot of my own issues. I am going to come out on the other side of this. I know I am.

I have never wanted anything more in my life and I have never been more prepared than I am right now. I can type this in my blog all I want (and I have) because all of these times I’ve truly believed I was ready. I wasn’t as ready as I had thought. I needed the last four weeks to go through Naomi’s program to really see how unready I really was before.

You can’t grow and change without putting in the work. Nothing is handed to you. If you want to change you have to do the work.

I’m doing the work. Change will follow and I have never been more excited!

More later and soon!


I have had a busy couple of weeks! So, let me get this blog updated!

First of all, I have started running again! In the past week I ran twice doing the Couch to 10k program (I started at Week 4). I ran/walked a little bit over 4 miles both times! I cannot even explain how proud of myself I am. However, I have been experiencing some foot pain the past few weeks. It started to hurt more after my runs. I am looking into what it could be. I have some ideas. I’ve been icing it the past couple of days and that has helped. I desperately need new running shoes and I think that is the main issue with my foot pain. Tomorrow I will hopefully be going to a running store and getting fitted for shoes. I also purchased compression socks so I will see if that helps. I’m hoping I can solve this without going to the doctor.

Speaking of going to the doctor, I have an appointment with a new gynecologist at the end of the month. I’m really hoping she will be able to help me and all the issues I’ve been experiencing. I’m hoping she can help me figure this whole PCOS thing out too. I would love to know whether or not I have it. All signs seem to be pointing to me having it. We shall see though!

I need to get back to zumba class. My work outs have been Irish dancing and running lately. Zumba needs to be part of my life again. I love it too much. I’m missing going so much! So, that is on my list.

I was following 21 day Fix perfectly and I was having some trouble losing weight. It finally occurred to me after an appointment with my health coach that I have been eating a ridiculous amount of fruit. Fruit = sugar. Sugar is bad if you have PCOS (assuming I have it). I changed my diet. I’m eating less fruit and significantly less carbs. I’ve lost 9lbs in a week. I am feel amazing! Now it’s just a matter of finding some new recipes. I’m really trying to be gluten free and more focused on a Paleo diet. Maybe I finally have this figured out! I feel better physically and emotionally.

I want to post about how much weight I’ve lost but I don’t know which scale is right. My scale is 3lbs off (makes me lighter) than my health coach’s scale. I want to use mine because it makes me skinnier! Mine says I’ve lost 13lbs total. Counting that from my highest weight ever I am down 32lbs!

It’s a start. I’m on my way to good things 🙂

I’m team Katelyn

It’s funny how I think I’m doing okay and then I am able to step back every once in a while and observe. I am not doing okay, however I am not doing as bad as I was just a few months ago. I am still unhappy. I was out of town over the weekend and it was amazing. I was able to spend a weekend with one of my best friends being free and not having a care in the world. I realize this is not reality but I wish so much that it was. I crave that freedom. I felt that freedom at Bonnaroo and I have never felt that before. I was able to let go of all the stress, worries, and pain. I was able to be free and experience new things. I felt the same way over the weekend. I had so much fun exploring, learning, growing, and being free. I honestly need to really work on all of that being an every day thing. It needs to be more apart of my life than it is right now. I’ve come back from these trips sad and unhappy. I don’t want to live my life like this. I deserve to be happy. I know I need to keep going with my journey so this won’t keep happening.

I did indulge over the weekend, but I don’t believe I over indulged. On Saturday when I thought I would be in the car all day; I ended up walking over 4 miles and climbing 22 flights of stairs! That was a pleasant surprise. Climbing several observation towers was worth it on so many levels. This weekend was not a loss health wise. It could have been better but it was not horrible.

I immediately got completely back on track yesterday. In thinking about my health today, I decided that I really need to explore if I have PCOS or not. I, along with my health coach, believe that I do. I have all the signs and symptoms for it. I’ve been researching tonight looking for doctors in my area who specialize in it. I am going to make some phone calls tomorrow. I’m still taking the supplements for PCOS from my health coach. I want to find a doctor who can diagnose and point me in the right direction. The last time I went to the gynecologist it turned out to be a disaster. I’m told to lose weight and take birth control. Great! Let’s just put a band aid on the insane issues I’m having. The weight, among other issues, goes hand in hand with PCOS. I’m trying to learn all I can about it until I’m able to find a doctor that can help me.

So, I am working on a lot of different things with the goal of changing my life. This is all not easy but it will all be worth it. I just have to keep telling myself that.

Another shout out to my awesome friend Tiffany for being a huge support for me. You have no idea how much you are helping me! Thank you!  She made the picture below and I stole it! I love it! None of this will work if I’m not on my own team. I’m team Katelyn!


I am not invisible.

There is so much good happening right now!

First of all, I am down 11lbs! I couldn’t be more excited! My health coach took my measurements the other day and I was down a bunch of inches too. I’m so happy. I think I’ve got weekends under control eating wise. I also went for a run last week and I was a rock star! It felt so good and I completely rocked my intervals.

The only thing I’ve noticed is how I’ve done a complete turn around with my attitude. I’ve been much more positive than I have ever been. I haven’t been hard on myself. I’m learning to let things go. I’m learning so much about myself and what I can accomplish. It’s amazing. This journey is hard but it’s so worth it.

I’ve got 2 pieces of big news, but I only plan on sharing one right now. The other news is huge and I just don’t want to focus on that right now.

So, here’s the news….I applied for a scholarship to a program ran by a woman who has lost a significant amount of weight and has maintained it for 5-6 years now. She helps others who are struggling. I had to answer some questions/explain why I wanted to be in the program, why I think I am where I am, etc. I really had to be vulnerable and open. That is exactly what I did in my answers. I wrote from the heart. I wrote how I felt. I wrote my truth. I was one of the winners of the scholarship! Her reason for choosing me: “Your application had so much heart, an obvious need, and a clear eagerness to participate!” I had to email her back to let her know I accept the scholarship. In her reply she said, “I’m so excited and honored to have you in my program! Thanks for opening up about your struggle because that’s what made it stand out to me. :)”

I’m determined not to hide anymore. I am who I am. I was given my hardship for a reason. I don’t know why, but I am on the journey to find out why and to conquer it.

I am more than a number on a scale. I’m passionate. I’m loving. I’m adventurous. I’m caring. I’m loyal. I’m fierce. I’m strong. I’m worthy.

I’m worth so much more than I ever though I was.

It’s time to show the world that.


I’m more than you know
I’m more than you see here
More than you let me be
I’m more than you know
A body and soul
You don’t see me but you will
I am not invisible

~ U2, Invisible


I’m learning that the things you don’t want to do are exactly the things that you need to do. Of course that’s how it works!

I know I have needed to see my health coach but I haven’t wanted to go. I don’t know why. It turns out that seeing her is exactly what I needed to do. I had an appointment with her last night and it was beyond amazing. The disconnect that has happened since I saw her last has been insane. It took one second for her to bring me back and remember what I should be doing. There has been so much disconnect. It’s crazy what happens when I don’t see her on a regular basis. I forget so much what she has taught me. It’s easy for life – the noise -to get in the way. It’s time to get back to it! I have a lot to work on. I left the appointment feeling so much better.

I need to weigh and measure myself because I haven’t lately. I started round 2 of 21 day fix on Monday. I’ve been a crazy Zumba addict these past few weeks. This week is the first week I didn’t go to Zumba, but I have done all the 21 day fix work outs this week so far.

Weekends are really my downfall. I don’t know what it is about them. It’s like I think the rules don’t apply on the weekends and I can eat whatever. This is so not true. I keep learning the lesson but I also keep making the mistakes. I talked about this with my health coach. I kept saying that there’s less structure on the weekends than during the week. So, it’s time to make my weekends more structured. I need to plan. I need to be prepared like I am during the week. Hopefully I can get a handle on these weekends.

I’ve been meaning to update my blog but I haven’t wanted to. And you are correct, since I didn’t want to, it’s exactly what I needed to do. I haven’t written in my journal at all either. Writing is what I need to be focusing on and I’m doing everything but writing. So here I am, back it. I haven’t given up. I just lost my way. Life tends to do that, especially when you are disconnected.

It’s time to reconnect!

I’m putting everything I have into the 21 Day Fix right now. Hopefully I will have some better results this time. I had some this last round but then weekends were my downfall. Weekends will not be my downfall anymore! I refuse to continue this cycle. I am going to conquer this weekend, and all the weekends after it! I know I can. I know I will.

There is a root to all these problems I’m having. There is a root to why I’ve been handed the cards I’ve been handed. I cannot wait to get to the root, fix it, change, and become who I really am – and do what I’m supposed to do in this life. This is why I have my health coach. She’s helping me in so many different ways.

I’m ready to keep growing, changing, and to keep moving forward.

This journey is only just beginning.

Week 1, done!

Week 1 of the 21 Day Fix is done! I’m over half way done with week 2! So, how did I do? At the end of week 1, I lost a total of 4lbs and 4 inches! I didn’t do all of the 21DF work outs because I replaced some work outs with Zumba. Following the containers has been key. It’s been easy too. I really haven’t struggled too much. In fact, I found it difficult to eat all of my containers some days. I even had trouble finishing all my yellow containers and I thought that would be the container I would have the most issues with.

I think what’s different is that I am making the effort to not let the little things derail me. If I don’t eat perfect for dinner one night, instead of being upset and allowing it to take over….I let it go. Tomorrow is a brand new day! I just get back on track. I always set myself up for failure in the past. I refuse to do that now.

I’m making real, attainable goals. I have amazing people helping and supporting me. I’m starting to believe in myself again. There is no reason why I shouldn’t obtain all my goals. I am more than capable!

Weekends for me are usually hard. I don’t stay on track. I don’t work out. I’m happy to say that over the last weekend, I stayed on track and worked out! I’m proud of myself for that!

One area I definitely need to work on is eating out. I went out to dinner the other night and I definitely could have done so much better. I didn’t get mad at myself though and it didn’t derail me. I accepted it and moved on. I got back on track and the next day and it was fine. In the future I need to be better prepared. I need to make better food choices if I eat out.

I’ve noticed though that between this week and last week, I am much stronger. I felt like a rock star in Zumba this week. I want to start running again too. I haven’t worked on the hill in a couple of weeks. I need to get back to it!

I’m working on making a vision board. I need to see my goals every day. I think that will help! It will give me extra motivation.

Things I need to do asap: make an appointment with my health coach because it’s been a few weeks!

I’m finding my way back to everything good and healthy. It’s amazing! The added bonus of toxic people being out of my life makes things a million times better. I may be dealing with so much in my life right now, but on some level…I’m a little bit lighter. I can really focus on me and not on the people sucking the life out of me.

I’m going to be unstoppable soon. Watch out world.


Love is what you do

Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.

It’s been a few weeks since I posted. I’ve been busy! I had my weekend getaway which was amazing! It’s always nice to get away, see my bands, do some shopping, and relax! I had to go Cancer Centers of America with my mom, so that was another trip. That was my first time there and I need to do a whole blog post just on that place. It’s amazing!! And honestly, I’m still mourning the loss of my dog. I miss him. I still look for him when I come home every day. I still go to talk to him – because he was a human. I get up in the morning and look to the corner where his bed was – I always checked to see what cute position he would be laying in. It’s really difficult not having him around. He’s been in my heart for the past 17 years. All these new “normals” are horrible.

I’m on day 5 of the 21 Day Fix. I’ve been rocking it this week! I’ve had my struggles but I made it through! I replaced a couple of the work outs with Zumba. I’m actually not concerned with the work outs. I’m more concerned with my diet, so I’ve really been focused on that and using the containers. I took before pictures, weighed myself, and measured myself. I just need to get through the weekend which is always difficult for me. If I can make it through without any major issues…I know I can do this! I will weigh and measure myself on Monday. I’m hoping for some good results! It’s also good because I have someone supporting me and helping me. Shout out to my awesome friend Tiffany for helping me out! She’s a rock star 🙂

I’ve been struggling lately with wanting to talk to someone who is no longer in my life. Even after everything this person has put me through…I still want to talk to them. I don’t get it. I kept asking myself, what’s really going on here? I sure as hell don’t miss the drama. I don’t miss any of the negative things.

There were good points to this friendship. It’s those good points that I miss. I miss having someone get me. I miss being able to be myself and be ridiculous, and having someone listen to me and love me regardless of the craziness that comes out of my mouth. It was a good friendship in those moments.

I’ve let it  all go for the most part. I still struggle some days. There’s just been this nagging feeling within me to contact this person lately. It’s bothering me. I have nothing to say. I have no conscious desire to make any sort of contact. I don’t know if I should be listening to this nagging feeling or not. I’m trying to ignore it because no good can come from it.

The falling out happened months ago and the weight just from that alone has relieved so much stress in my life. I didn’t know how much of a strain I was under trying to save something that had no hope of surviving.

I actually have a lot to say about the whole situation but I told myself I would never write about it all publicly. I didn’t go into a lot of details, so I feel comfortable with what I wrote. I’m only writing something about it because of this nagging feeling that’s been happening lately.

So much has changed since December. Some change has been good, some bad, and some neutral. I’m still lost in a lot of ways but I’m learning to find my way. I’ve made it 9 months. Somehow, I will make it through whatever life throws at me. I struggle almost every day. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about my dad and miss him. I still cry every day. I wish he was here more than anything in the entire world.

I take it one day at a time and I make it through.

Love is not what you say. Love is what you do. If you take nothing else away from my blog…take that with you.

Love is what you do.